I'm not only new here, but new at this in general. I'm 38, and never dealt with addiction until the last few years - didn't realize what it really was til about 10 months ago. AH was using coke when we met, which he stopped as it was a deal breaker for our relationship's progression. I found out later that alcohol was also an issue, and we've managed to deal with that, too. He had completely quit drinking about 2 years ago. All this, and I didn't realize anything about the addictions as a disease . . .
Life was good til the stimulant addiction resurfaced late last year. He started using bath salts (MDPV). It was cheap and legal, and it was a fast downward spiral. In 9 months, he's been admitted to the psych ward for observation 3 times (1 time I had him involuntarily committed), he's totalled his car, he was shot twice by a guy who thought he was stealing a horse. He almost didn't live thru that, yet stopped on the way home from the hospital to buy MORE. That landed him back in the hospital 4 days later. He had blown thru outpatient therapy and lost his (very good) job, and finally agreed to go to inpatient rehab. Things were good for about a month after release til he got stressed and started using again and I made him leave - again.
Bath salts, if you aren't familiar with them, are a kind of synthetic cocaine/meth combination that gives the alertness, decreased appetite, lack of sleep, etc. of the copied drugs, but also cause horrific paranoia, hallucinations, and general break of any and all reasoning skills. I have been accused relentlessly of SO many things - affairs, money laundering, multiple identities, major drug dealing, even of being a secret agent.
Because of the severe effects of the bath salts, we have been living separately for most of the last 4 months. When he had binges, he would leave and move into a hotel for days, clearing out bank accounts, etc.
I have started "getting it" in letting him go - He's been gone for 3 weeks, I haven't seen him, have limited conversations with him, and I've not reacted to his odd comments for help/pity/justification. I have told him simply that he still has medical insurance and if he wants to get any medical help or further treatment, to let me know. As he tries to blame me for any part, I've responded with the 3 C's - I present as strong when I talk to him, and I keep my crying to after we hang up. I feel like a widow - I look around and see things or smell his clothes and fall apart, remembering the man I married, knowing he may be lost.
I want to do more with working steps for ME, as I've realized i've spent too much time on making HIM better. Is there someone who has been there and done that and can help me start sorting this out?
Also - there has been a lot of damage done in our relationship, but I know we can't get counseling until he is stable in recovery. How have others dealt with that?